The Invasion of Wayne Manor
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Wherein the girls in Damian's class start shipping Dick and Jason, and Bruce regrets encouraging Damian to make friends when the manor is invaded by a hoard of pre-teen girls.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:**

 **So there aren't any actual pairings in this, just characters thinking that JayDick is a thing? Just thought I'd mention that. Anyway, enjoy reading! :)**

 **...**

This was the first time Damian had really noticed anything; although, apparently, it had been going on for a while. He supposed he could excuse himself, because who had the time to analyse this ridiculous behaviour? In his opinion, these brainless harlots giggled and blushed over everything, so how was _he_ to know that they lusted over Grayson?

He'd been waiting by the school gates for Grayson to arrive. A trio of girls stood nearby — Anna Moore, Emily Crosby, and Janet Burns. He didn't care for any of them personally, but knowing the names of all your peers was an important step in staying vigilant at all times — speaking in what Damian thought were supposed to be whispers, but sounded more like barely-restrained screams.

"Oh my god, he is _so_ hot!"

"I know right? Did you see the way he smiled?"

"Why can't there be guys like that in our school?"

"Oh my god Emily, he's super rich, he's probable gotten, like, tons of plastic surgery and stuff!"

"And hair implants! Did you _see_ his flowing locks?"

"Oh my _god_ Janet, he's not, like, eighty! He doesn't need _hair implants,_ gross!"

Damian sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Oh god," he muttered, glancing down at his watch. Where the hell _was_ Grayson?

Crosby glanced up, and her eyes widened. "Oh my god girls, it's Damian!"

"Oh my god!" Moore squealed, clapping her hands together. "Does that mean he hasn't arrived yet?"

They stared at him intently. Damian stared back, his expression blank. He had no idea what they were talking about, and decided that he didn't care. Now that he had made that decision, it would be wonderful if they'd all just _stop talking._

Obviously that was too much to ask though.

"Oh my god girls, I've got to go fix my hair!"

"Shut _up_ Janet, you're not letting him answer!" Moore turned to Damian, and stared intently at him. "Is he picking you up today?"

"Who?"

Moore leaned forward, as if to whisper. _"Richard Grayson,"_ she said, in what was definitely not a whisper.

Damian took a step back, scowling, and rubbing his ear. "Grayson?" he demanded. "Why on Earth are you asking about Grayson?"

The girls giggled in response.

"Oh my god, haven't you noticed yet?" Crosby asked. "Your brother is like, _super hot!"_

"Like, _sooooo_ hot!"

"Oh my god Janet, I already _said_ that!"

"I know, but I just thought — "

(Perhaps their previous behaviour should have been enough of an indication, but no one could blame him for wanting to ignore this horrific scenario).

"You are sexually attracted to…Grayson?"

Yet again, a series of giggles were his only response.

Damian stared at them, appalled. "I refuse to condone this behaviour! Grayson isn't for _you_ to ogle at!" Grayson wasn't for _anyone_ to ogle at. Lord knew, the last thing they needed was Grayson thrusting another useless girlfriend upon them. They'd dodged a bullet with the alien, and Gordon was far easier to tolerate when she wasn't attached to Grayson.

"So is he coming?" Moore demanded, seemingly undeterred by Damian's response.

"I — "

"Little D! Come on!"

Damian bit back a curse, and turned around in time to see Grayson hurrying towards him. His expression darkened when he caught sight of who was following close behind — what was _Todd_ doing here?!

"What is he doing here?" Damian demanded.

The girls, meanwhile…well, they burst into more frantic whispers and giggles.

"Oh my _GOD!"_

 _"LOOK_ at him!"

"Those _arms!"_

Todd spared a glance at the girls, frowning slightly.

Grayson, meanwhile, grinned from ear to ear, oblivious to his little fan-club. Damian, preoccupied with the current problem — Todd, why was _Todd_ here? — forgot his previous frustrations.

"Well, Jay was in the neighbourhood, so I thought we could all go to lunch together!"

"I was not 'in the neighbourhood,'" Todd snapped. "You stopped by my apartment, and wouldn't leave until I agreed to come out with you.

"…Yeah, but you agreed."

"Because you're annoying as _fuck._ And you did _not_ say we'd be bringing the demon brat along."

"Oh my god, they want _alone_ time!" Moore hissed.

"Wait, what?" Todd turned to the girl, his brow furrowed. "What the hell did she say?"

Moore walked forward and stood next to Damian, who immediately moved away, shooting her the most dangerous glare he could muster.

"Boys," she said, "we could _totally_ walk Damian home. You go ahead and enjoy your private time."

Damian glared. "I will not be going _anywhere_ with you, woman!"

Todd squinted at them. "…Are they on drugs?"

"Let's go," Damian snapped, striding forward. _"Now."_

He walked away as fast as he could, while Grayson chattered away excitedly, and Todd glared at them, and muttered about how much he hated this family.

...

Damian should have known it wouldn't stop there. After all, this was about Grayson and Todd, and those two always caused more trouble than they were worth.

The first thing he heard when he walked into class was Moore rambling, "trust me girls, they were _so_ hot. Like, so, so hot."

"Like you wouldn't _believe,"_ Crosby added.

"And they clearly wanted some _alone time,_ like, oh my god, they couldn't wait to get rid of Damian."

Burns sighed. "Richard's such a dreamboat. He's way too god of a brother to leave Damian."

Crosby nodded enthusiastically. "Even though we _totally_ offered to walk him home."

Damian grimaced and made his way to his seat. _'Ignore them,'_ he thought. _'Pretend they aren't there, and there won't be a problem…'_

Moore intercepted him. Damian breathed deeply, and reminded himself that attacking civilians was not allowed. Father would _not_ be pleased if he sent this girl to the hospital, regardless of how mind-numbingly annoying she was.

"Damian! How'd lunch go with Richard, and the other guy?"

"Todd?" Damian sighed. "It was terrible, as predicted. Now get out of my way."

"Todd?" Moore's eyes widened. "Is that his name?!"

"I find monosyllabic names _so_ hot," Burns gushed, appearing by Moore's shoulder.

"How'd they get together?!" someone else demanded, and, oh god, they were _closing in._ What _was_ this? Why were these people so obsessed with Grayson and Todd?

It was completely ridiculous. He'd _told_ Father that this institution was a complete joke, but no. He was expected to come here and socialise. _Socialise_. With these ingrates? What a laugh.

"How did they _meet?"_ Moore asked, her eyes shining.

Damian sighed. "Father forced Todd upon us, and now we are stuck with him. Now — will you _please_ remove yourself from my path?"

He then fixed her with the most withering stare he could muster. For some reason it didn't even seem to phase her. Damian came up with two theories: either he was losing his touch, or these girls clearly belonged to some other species. He was going with the latter.

"So are the rumours true?" Crosby asked eagerly. The other girls in the class seemed just as enthusiastic, all leaning in with predatory gleams in their eyes. "Are they Bruce Wayne's boy toys?"

"Are they gay lovers?!" someone else demanded.

Damian stared. "…What?"

"Are they getting _married?!"_

This was followed by a series of dreamy sighs.

Damian reared back. "Are you all _insane?!"_ he snapped. "Of _course_ Grayson and Todd aren't getting married!"

He then pushed past the crowd of girls, who were getting disturbingly close, and walked over to his seat. Yes — he would be having words with Father.

...

Damian did end up having words with Father, but not about what he'd planned to. Or what he'd _ever_ have wanted to.

After lingering awkwardly by his son's doorway, waiting for an invitation inside (and growing even more uncomfortable when it became obvious that Damian had already seen him, and had still made no move to invite him in), Bruce finally decided that this was his house, and made his way inside.

Damian glanced up, having been waiting for his father to enter his room, and feeling more than a little confused about why he hadn't just walked inside (this was Father's house after all; he didn't need permission to go where he wanted).

"Damian," Bruce said, "it has come to my attention that you may be having…issues. With your peers at school."

(And that explained the discomfort. Bruce made an excellent Batman. He made a…decent father, but he still had _a lot_ of room to grow).

"That's incorrect," Damian replied. "I do not have 'issues with them. I barely speak to them."

Bruce sighed. "I just think you should…interact with them a bit more."

"I don't need to — "

Bruce cut him off. "Your teacher called me. She was concerned about your behaviour. She told me you don't seem to have any friends at school, and that you spend your lunchtimes alone."

Damian sighed, and stepped away from his desk. He'd been finishing up his homework, but it was obvious that he wouldn't be getting much done now.

"Well of course I do," he said. "It's called _lunchtime_ , Father — you are supposed to _eat_ , not engage in meaningless chatter. Besides, I don't need civilians weighing me down."

"You don't have any friends outside of school either," Bruce reminded him.

"I have Colin."

"Other than Colin." Bruce sighed. "I just think you need to socialise more, that's all."

Damian raised one eyebrow, and said, almost in an amused voice, _"you_ of all people are telling me to socialise more?"

"…Alfred may have dropped a few hints. And Dick won't leave me alone about it."

Damian inwardly fought back a grimace. The mention of Grayson brought back unpleasant memories of _those girls_ at school, and…well. He didn't need to be reminded of that. "Grayson is an exaggerated example of how to socialise. We don't need to follow his example."

Bruce stared at him for a moment. He then said (and you could just hear the hesitance and discomfort in his voice), "why don't you…invite some of your classmates over."

Damian stared in disbelief. _"Here."_

"Yes. I think it might be a good idea. Who knows, you might actually like some of them."

(Bruce really needed to work on his lying skills).

"You want me to invite people _here?"_

Bruce sighed. "It'll shut Dick up, so yes."

And that was the end of that discussion.

...

If it were anyone else, Damian would have said no, and then calmly informed them that he would make them wish they were dead if they asked again. However, this was his Father, and not only was it unwise to threaten Batman, but Damian wasn't going to turn down an order from him. _Damian_ was not a disappointment like the others.

That meant these children would soon be invading his home. Just the thought of it was painful, but he tried to think of it as a training exercise. He'd gone through horrendous things during his time with his mother; and while he wasn't sure if any of them were as painful as this, he was Damian al Ghul Wayne, and he _would_ survive.

Since he had absolutely no idea how to go about this, he walked to the front of the class, ignoring his teacher's loud protests.

"I have an announcement to make."

"Damian, sit down! You can talk to everyone later!"

"Be quiet," Damian ordered. The woman had a shrill voice, and the last thing he wanted was to have her shrieking near his ears. "Now — I will be having a gathering at Wayne Manor tomorrow, after school."

"I really think you can save this for later — "

"Quiet, woman," Damian snapped. "Now — I do not _want_ this, but Father insists, and I therefore expect you all to come."

"Will Rodd be there?!"

Damian's brow furrowed. "What? Who is Rodd?"

"It's what we call Richard and Todd," Moore said.

A series of giggles followed his pronouncement, and Damian twitched in irritation.  
"Yes, well, knowing Grayson, he will most likely show up uninvited at some point."

The giggles were replaced by excited squeals. Damian twitched again. Dear lord, maybe it was time he opposed Father after all — it seemed to be a right of passage in his family, and even though his other three 'brothers' were utterly useless, maybe they weren't wrong about _everything._

The teacher tried to intervene again. "I really think you should — "

There was a chorus of "yes!" "I'm in!" and "Oh my god, _Rodd!"_ from the crowd, and with that, Damian sealed his fate.

(The boys in the class remained silent throughout this entire exchange. It was obvious who _wouldn't_ be making an appearance).

...

When he went home, Damian informed his father that he would be inviting some friends over the next day.

Bruce loved his son very much, but when Damian's teachers told him his son had no friends, he believed them without a moment of hesitance. Therefore, he was more than a little surprised, and couldn't help but wonder how Damian had managed to convince anyone to come.

(Oh, if only he knew).

 **...**

 **AN:**

 **Hey, hope you enjoyed this! This will be a two-shot, and the next chap will…hopefully not take too long to write. I started writing this AGES ago, and remembered it a few days ago, and decided to finish this chapter. I know I have a ton of other fanfics I need to work on, and I will get around to finishing them (hopefully once I get through exams, which are in a few weeks).**


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright _why_ are you all here?"

Bruce stared expectantly at his three sons, who were all grouped together in the Bat Cave. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ them there, but…well, Tim was always off doing his own thing these days, and Jason was _Jason_. Dick was pretty much the only one who made impromptu visits to the manor these days, and even then he was often busy with his own job and duties as Nightwing.

And of course, any family outings usually ended badly. Screams, physical violence, death threats…sometimes the odd bullet or two, despite how many times he told Jason to _put that damn gun away_ …yes, Bruce loved his kids, but they were sometimes a bit too much.

Dick smiled and said enthusiastically, "Damian has friends coming over!"

"Damian has friends coming over," Tim said, disbelievingly.

Jason smirked. "Damian has friends coming over."

Bruce wondered how the same sentence could sound so different coming from three different people.

"Yes, but what are you doing _here?"_

"Spying," Tim said, gesturing to the Batcave monitors, which displayed a clear view of the interior of the manor.

Dick shuffled, looking slightly embarrassed. "We figured Damian would feel more comfortable if we weren't…hovering."

Jason snorted. "Who the hell cares about that? I just want to see how this all goes to shit. Demon Brat with friends? Either he hallucinated the whole thing, his 'friends' are fucking with him and have no intention of showing up, or they _will_ show up and turn out to be completely insane. Either way, this is going to be _good."_

Of course. Of _course_ this was the one thing that they could bond over. Bruce sighed in exasperation, and briefly wondered if it was really worth telling them to leave. He glanced at them, taking in their varying expressions — Tim's curiosity, Jason's glee, and Dick's happiness — and realised that no, it was probably a waste of time anyway.

Oh he was sure he could easily find a way to kick them out if he really wanted to, but he'd had a long day, and he really wasn't in the mood. And besides — he was still in slight shock that Damian had actually invited people over. He loved his son, but…this was _Damian_. The boy hated socialising, and spent hours ranting about "those imbeciles" he was forced to study with.

"You know what?" Jason said, lounging lazily in a chair near the monitor. "The kid hallucinated the whole thing. There's no _way_ that Demon Brat actually has — "

The doorbell rang.

The whole family froze, staring at the screen in silent anticipation. This was of course the Wayne family, so that silence lasted exactly a second.

"…Someone ordered pizza. That, or there's someone running away from a deranged serial killer and looking for help. Considering that it's Gotham, I really wouldn't be surprised."

Tim blinked. "Wow. I'm actually agreeing with Jason for once."

"I still hate you, Replacement."

Dick shot them a glare. "Guys! Have some faith! Damian has made so many improvements since he first arrived, and I _know_ that there will be around _three_ people coming here." He paused, and glanced uncertainly at the screen. "…At the _very least_ two. But I'm sure we can hit three."

The four men stared intently at the screen. Damian stared at the door for a moment, before sighing and walking to the door. He opened it, revealing three young girls standing on the other side.

 _"Yes!"_ Dick cried, eyes shining. "Three!"

Tim shook his head. "They got the wrong house."

"Yup," Jason said, and then grimaced. "Fuck, now I'm agreeing with Replacement."

Bruce ignored them, his eyes remaining glued to the screen. The girls stepped forward, almost in one synchronised movement, and each beamed widely.

"Hey Damian!" the first one said.

 _"Heeey!"_ said another.

"Janet, I already _said_ that."

"But you just said hey from you, and this was like, a hey from _me_ — "

"It was a group hey, okay Janet?!"

"Like, _yeah_ Janet, what are you _talking_ about?"

Damian shot them a look of pure loathing. "Are you coming inside or not?"

The three girls, apparently forgetting their previous argument, all burst into high-pitched giggles.

The occupants of the cave stared at the screen, their jaws unhinged.

"Oh my fucking God," Jason said, "how much crack am I on?"

Dick coughed. "They're…interesting." He looked like he was trying very hard to restrain himself. Bruce could only imagine what his son was really thinking.

He, meanwhile, was trying to come to terms with the fact that these were the friends Damian had decided to invite over. Far from being relieved, he was now even more concerned for his youngest son.

" _How_ are these girls real? This is a joke, right? Damian knew we were watching, and set this whole thing up."

"Jason," Tim said. "It's Damian."

"…Then what the _fuck_ is going on?"

Bruce opened his mouth, in desperate need to say _something_ , when the doorbell rang again. The cave was immediately plunged into silence as they all stared incredulously at the screen.

"…They ordered pizza?"

Everyone turned towards Dick.

He shrugged defensively. "What? I told you he'd get at least three!"

Damian walked over to the door and opened it. A crowd of girls filed in. The expressions on the other three's faces lit up, and they immediately started exchanging enthusiastic greetings with the other girls. Damian watched them, his jaw clenched.

"Guys, what the hell is happening?" Tim choked.

No one answered.

"So," Dick said, once the silence had become too oppressive, "Little D has friends, huh?"

Jason shook his head. "No way is Demon Brat friends with these people! Where did he _find_ them?!"

The doorbell rang yet again, and, as they watched on numbly, another group of girls filed in. Bruce stared in horror at the ever-growing crowd of pre-teen girls, and wondered what the hell was going on.

He was Batman. He didn't _like_ not knowing.

"Maybe we should go up there?" Dick suggested hesitantly. His earlier enthusiasm had dampened considerably.

"Yeah sure," Jason said, sounding uncertain — and if that wasn't a sign that the world had gone crazy, Bruce didn't know what was.

They stood up and filed out of the cave, with equally bewildered expressions on their faces.

...

"So, like, where's Rodd?"

Damian — who'd been preoccupied thinking about what a terrible idea this all was — glanced at Crosby, and frowned slightly. "Who?"

" _Rodd_. Richard and Todd."

Damian grimaced. "Oh. Them."

"Yeah, where _are_ they?" Moore chimed in.

There was a chorus of agreement from the rest of the group. Damian was once again reminded that this hadn't been one of his smartest ideas. He was honestly disappointed in himself; he'd expect such behaviour from Drake, or Brown, but _he_ should have known better.

The girls continued to voice their approval and admiration of 'Rodd', much to Damian's displeasure.

"They are _so_ hot," Crosby sighed.

"I've never actually seen them."

"I showed you the picture, remember? The one of Richard."

"Oh yeah, he was _hot_."

"Todd is like, super hot too," Moore chimed in.

"Really buff," Burns sighed.

"Oh my _god_ he sounds hot."

"He _is!"_

Damian's eye twitched. Oh dear lord, he needed to get them out of his home. Or at the very least distract them, so that they _stopped_ _talking_. The only thing they did seem interested in, however, was Grayson and Todd, and he didn't want them anywhere near Grayson.

There was Todd, but Damian didn't think Father would be pleased about him leading a group of girls into his 'dead' brothers room.

He was frowning contemplatively when an idea struck him. It was hardly perfect, but these girls didn't seem too picky about the men they latched themselves onto, what with them lusting after Todd of all people…

"You're not going anywhere near Grayson," he told them. "I will, however, grant you access to Drake's room."

Moore leaned forward eagerly. "Is Drake hot?"

Damian blinked. "…He is the normal temperature for a human being."

"Yes, but how does he _look?"_

Damian sighed in frustration, and gestured towards the stairwell, where a large family portrait was hanging. "Drake is the one standing between Grayson and I. Hardly appealing to the eye, but suitable enough for your tastes, I suppose."

The group erupted into squeals.

"Oh my god, let's go girls!" Moore said, clapping her hands together. "He may not be Richard or Todd, but that guy is a _hunk!"_

 _'Oh dear lord, what have I done?'_ Damian thought, as he lead them towards Drake's room. Oh well — something had to be done, and it was better that he sacrifice Drake than listen to more of this inane conversation.

They were nearing the staircase when Bruce, Dick, Jason and Tim rounded the corner. Damian blanched in horror.

"Oh my god, it's _them!"_ The group erupted into excited whispers.

Jason stared. "What the fuck — ?"

"Rodd!" Crosby squealed. "Oh my god, you guys are like, such an inspiration!"

" _Excuse_ me?"

"And how long have you like, been a thing?" Moore demanded.

They received four incomprehensible stares.

"Damian," Bruce said, his voice strained. "Who are these people?"

"I told you I was having guests over, Father," Damian said calmly. Inside, he was feeling anything but.

"You said you were inviting a _few_ people over."

Damian stared back impassively.

"…You have never mentioned any of these people before."

Damian crossed his arms in front of him. "Father, you wanted me to interact with my peers. Why are you complaining?"

Bruce stared despairingly at the group of pre-teen girls, and wonder if his Brucie persona had finally caught up to him. Was Damian turning into…a _playboy?_

(No, he thought, no way in Hell. There _had_ to be another explanation).

Dick, meanwhile, felt like he should probably be happy for Damian. He'd always been encouraging the younger boy to have more friends. This however…Damian was growing up. Dick was _not_ ready for that.

"Oh my god, Damian," Burns said, awe in her voice. "Your dad is _such_ a DILF."

Damian frowned. "A what?"

"It means — "

"Okay Dami," Dick cut in, "why don't you and your friends go and…have something to eat?"

Bruce stared at the girl in outright disbelief, while Tim silently mouthed the word 'DILF.'

Moore turned to Dick. "So, like, how long has Rodd been a thing?"

"What?" Dick asked, frowning.

"Rodd!" Moore repeated. "Like, you and Todd!"

"Who? Wait…Jason?" He glanced at Jason, his brow furrowed. "You know Jason?"

"No, but I'd like to. You guys make _such_ a cute couple." Crosby smiled sweetly at them, while the rest of the group burst into another round of excited giggles and whispers.

Jason blanched. "Oh my fucking god, get these bitches away from me!"

Dick simply gaped at them, unable to respond, while Tim looked like he wasn't sure whether to be ecstatic of horrified.

Damian sighed, annoyed. "Would you like to go to my room?" he asked. While he didn't want them anywhere near his personal belongings, he needed to get them far away from his family, and sealed away in a secure location. Once they were all safely inside, he would lock the door, ensuring that they had no opportunities to interact with his family, and then proceed to escape through the window. He was sure that Colin would give him refuge for the night.

Alfred, who had been silently watching on for quite some time, decided now was the perfect time to intervene.

"Perhaps these young ladies would like to watch a movie?"

"Oh my god, is it, like, a romantic comedy?" Crosby asked excitedly. "I _love_ those!"

Damian grimaced. "No, we will not — "

"Yes," Bruce said.

"I _hate_ movies — "

"I don't care."

Damian scowled and decided that, yes, this had been a terrible idea.

...

Needless to say, it was the last time Bruce ever asked Damian to invite his friends over.


End file.
